When I touch the glass of the mirror in front of me, I feel the alternative life I would have if I had chosen to go the other way. I can sense the life we would have together. I see the “ifs” of every situation where I had to choose to go only one way. I look into these big brown eyes and only see a world of hopes crushed and dreams still too far off. When I close them, those crushed hopes and futuristic dreams are held within my own head. I can almost feel you around me. I can feel your embrace; the soft kisses that were never given to me. Now when I turn around, I see the passion of a world I knew we could never have. I saw a world where I gave up everything I believed in. I left my family, friends, ambitions, religion, views…
Just so I could be with you because none of those things mattered.

I walk away from my mirror and hide my face from reality. I cannot hide from the regrets of everything I have done. I can only pull my hood up and shield the raindrops that carry every “if” within them. Sadly, puddles start to form on the sidewalks so every “if” becomes an obstacle; becomes a part of my route to my next destination. I am hoping for sunlight, but I find shiny objects that only reflect the bigger picture of what I want: a sweet, witty, amusing, aggressive, caring, consoling, solar mass. I am waiting for my sun so that it can dry these puddles and end my thunderstorms. I cannot always wait for it though. I suppose I should build a spaceship and blast off into the great unknown. I’ll find my star in this stratosphere. We can play melodies to each other, read stories together and create our own poetry. We’ll listen to music, cook foods, and run into the great unknown where I found it. Yes, my sunshine will bring me warmth that I’ve been longing for. It’ll be the reason for every “if” I’ve withstood and every chance I gave up being with you.

You… you can be standing there, smiling genuinely. You can be happy for me as I am happy for you. You’ve found your sunshine or your… amusing shiny object of that precise moment. Maybe later on down these sidewalks, we can actually be friends once more. We can watch the puddles evaporate from our stars and smirk at the growing sunflowers that bloom within the futuristic hopes. Those shattered dreams will once more be put together with my handy duct tape and the world can be both within my mirror and within reality.

The lightning strikes in front of my face. The sudden gasp for air sets me back into my current rainstorm. The wind is gusting forcefully, “ifs” hitting my hood repeatedly. Yes, I smile grimly to myself. What a wonderful world I’m walking in. What a miserable walk on these sidewalks this is to find my sunshine. The cement cracks every other block and the curbsides are overflowing with puddles. The future looks quite dim, you’d say. You’d say these “ifs” are piling and I am doing one horrible job at making my way through. At the end of this, I am the only one here walking. You’re long gone. Already seeped into my mirror at home and falling incredibly fast unto my hood. I am alone and frankly, I am okay with this. It has always been my sole mission to find my sunshine. Now I will teach myself what I need to learn in order to make this spaceship to blast off into the great unknown. I will find my star. I will prove this acid rainstorm wrong.
Watch me soar…